1. |
Window
05:29
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I’m lost, who am I?
Why am I feeling like this?
No thoughts, who am I?
How can I exist?
This world’s a clumsy joke,
and I’m alone inside my bedroom.
There’s a window inside,
Someone’s looking in.
I’ve got nothing left inside,
Now I can begin.
Nothing feels true inside,
Now all I have to do is hide.
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2. |
Learning to Live
03:35
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|
I’m learning to live,
And not just exist.
The way I as treated was,
Was inhumane.
But you can’t call it inhumane,
Because being inhumane,
Is something,
That only humans do.
But how can it matter,
To me.
How could I leave?
I could never leave.
How can you,
Please help me through.
Please can’t you leave me be,
Please can’t you leave me be.
And how come you,
Think you stop this though?
Think you can?
(ooh)
Why are you here?
Why don’t you leer?
Why do you care?
I’m not aware.
I’m not aware.
I am Scared.
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||||
3. |
We Pretend
04:12
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|
Love, is a verb,
Love Is a doing word
Or at least that's what they'd say
Commitment of one's life
Requires an even divide
We gave it nothing each
Now I see how this was
A product of vanity
Vanity
And I,
Really don’t know what else there is to find,
I’m trapped inside all those check-boxes,
I can’t look behind.
And all I could ever think is that there is something I shouldn’t see.
But I can’t tell that that means nothing to me.
And I,
Guess we just thought that we need to fit in,
Choosing this was a decision and not a whim.
I guess that we were supposed to feel this way.
Fruitless trees and barren wastelands,
Wilted Bouquet.
There is a difference between conformity,
And a difference between what we need.
We didn’t understand it but that doesn’t mean a thing.
I think that for us to realise and move on that we were trying to fit in.
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4. |
No One
04:04
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|
He grabbed the knife,
Flipped from his pocket.
Now we stood our ground,
But no one else did.
It Doesn’t seem fair,
That no one was there.
It doesn’t seem fair,
That no one was there.
Crowding around the scene,
Everyone would cheer and scream.
They are Encouraging the mayhem that everybody wants to see,
We used our words, tried to stop the fight.
The two of us, against them all.
We were not helped, we had to stall.
The tension's high, the air is thick,
But we won't back down or take any nick.
He’s s in trouble, we gotta act fast,
Hopefully with courage and strength, we make our stand at last.
How fast can we get past this dastardly farce to destroy what we know,
What we show,
What we really are,
Subpar the dregs isolation,
Depressed the end is what we pretend is alright,
But we hold tight to what we love.
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5. |
No Reception
03:28
|
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6. |
Sea of Eyes
05:12
|
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|
Why, how long? How long?
Maybe it’s just me,
But I cannot see how.
How.
I’m just a glitch in the system.
I am invisible,
This is pitiful.
In the sea of eyes,
All I see is lies.
This place is not a place,
of honour.
Nothing valued is here.
Are you dreaming?
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3.
I want to.
Nothing is always happening and it's too much,
I just need to find the antidote,
I Need to find the antidote.
I have the poison.
Poison inside of me, Poison inside of me.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me,
The life I want I'll never get to see.
Ah, Ah, Ah.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.
Lying, ahhh, ahhh, ahhh, ahhh, ahh, ahh.
I have found myself somewhere I shouldn’t be.
Shouldn’t be.
I have found myself somewhere,
That I should not have found myself,
Not have been myself,
Not have been myself.
We are Looking,
See the outside Air.
You’re not from around here.
You’re not someone to known,
You’re not someone to be shown.
You’re not someone to know,
You’re not someone to show.
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7. |
More
04:05
|
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|
Ahhh,
I didn't know who I was,
Or where I fit in the crowd,
Or how not to stand out.
Tonight.
Maybe one day this will feel like more.
Maybe one day this will feel like more.
Ahhh, Ahhh.
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh.
I don't regret the time we spent,
Or the feelings we shared,
And it was never meant to be there,
And I was never meant to be here.
I followed the script we were given,
But in my heart, I knew it wasn't driven.
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8. |
Apology
03:44
|
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|
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
For the times I left you feeling lost
I took your love and didn't give it back
I never realised the impact.
Oooh.
I didn’t know that I was harming you.
I didn’t know what to do.
There is nothing I can do but apologise,
And hope that it’s enough.
I took advantage of your loyalty,
I knew it was a ploy for me.
I just hope you can forgive.
How are you, where are you, I know.
Now that seems so long ago,
Now I realise it's for show.
I really fucked you up,
I know that my love was just makeup.
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9. |
||||
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(Empress Insecta)
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.
(Elliot Mcinerney)
Hyperbolic wear the binder tighter,
Fight like a man and cry like a fighter.
“You deserve that” you’re a fucking liar,
Lined with eyeliner, You’re right You’re Neither.
Hyperbolic wear the binder tighter,
Fight like a man and cry like a fighter.
“You deserve that” you’re a fucking liar,
Lined with eyeliner, You’re right You’re Neither.
(Empress Insecta)
I'm everything you made,
I'm everything you hate,
I'm nothing but the same,
I'm nothing but a shame.
You are everyone you hate,
And it's ruining your life.
(Maybe, Maybe)
Wiped clean with formaldehyde,
No trace left of discolouration.
Thought I'd find some Peace of Mind in my thinking in isolation,
I don't want to be seen even if it is waiting at the station,
I can’t even be my own representation.
(Nosferatu)
Can’t drop beats i gotta eat,
I can’t make bars, I’m not a sheep (Baa).
These raps are weak, 6 weeks, And i haven’t had a fucking wink of sleep.
Pills keep hurting, Drugs keep working.
Got no friends, can't talk in person, Ptsd says my mind’s not working.(Damn)
Need an escape, Gotta get laid, Gotta get paid, Drip from my head to my waist,
Blood all over the place, I’m a motherfucking disgrace.
Gotta Talk to my doctor, Don’t ask me what's wrong Whore.
Snakes all in the grass cunt, Laugh, Imma have the last one.
Hear me scream on some bass drums, about some shitty ass fake love.
Need my brain and some cocked guns, And enough drugs to send my face numb.
(Damn) Argh.
I’m just what you made, I’m everything you hate,
you try to make me change, I make you so ashamed.
You are everything I hate and you keep getting in my way.
(Empress Insecta)
Getting in my way, Getting in my way, Getting.
Getting in my way, Getting in my way, Getting.
Getting in my way, Getting in my way, Getting.
I’m getting in my own way, Getting in my own way.
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10. |
Orthrus
03:40
|
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|
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
No.
How do I know?
Are you dreaming?
I want to.
Maybe, maybe.
Maybe, maybe.
It’s a two headed dog barking at itself.
It’s a wilted lotus.
Quite frankly I don’t know what to tell myself.
All I know is this isn’t right.
Its hard to not obsess with something that you are,
Obsessed with,
I couldn’t guess it.
In the scope of the universe,
You can’t even see our local supercluster.
And what does that make me?
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11. |
Nothing and Everything
05:27
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|
Everyday is always the same,
I want no repeats and today,
The production line’s one after one,
One after one.
It's like nothing is gone, it's like everything’s gone.
It’s like nothing and everything’s gone.
Uh.
I’m trapped in here, where nothing matters.
I’m a bug, I'm a pattern.
I’m in the dark and I’m on fire,
I can't see from my own light.
Make it up, your life story make it up.
It's like you have to fake it to make it or break it or break it…
All by myself.
All by myself.
In our lifetime,
Will we see the night?
Oooh.
With all of these references,
Do I even know who I am?
I stole my personality from youtube,
And my ideas from what I am a fan.
My style from reddit,
My humour from the people i look up to.
Uncertainty of person,
Nothing I could get.
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12. |
Infested
03:44
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My skin crawls with a million tiny feet,
An empire of insects I can't defeat.
A curse of sentience, a weight to bear again,
There’s some kind of arrogance,
Can’t get this off my chest.
Aah.
My body is an empire of insects,
A curse of sentience.
I feel them burrow deep beneath my skin,
A constant reminder,
I’m not in control again.
My thoughts are invaded, my mind is a warzone.
I’m trapped in this body, and I’m alone.
I hope your flames don't grow
I want to be buried in snow
I hope your flames don't grow
I just want to be cold
Crying over Lingua Ignota,
I feel sick.
I am sore.
It’s a technicolour psychedelia.
Hunched over lying on the kitchen floor,
I am (crying) weeping into my knees.
Lying down, can’t see the door away,
I don’t know what I need.
What I need.
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13. |
Accept My Future
04:09
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|
Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh.
I will never accept my future,
I will never accept my past.
I will never accept the future,
Or the past.
Why am I still like this?
No one ever needs this.
Why am I still like this?
No.
I can’t bring myself, (today, today)
To accept what I need.
What I want,
I wonder if it’s gone.
I wonder if I can,
I wonder who I was.
I could never feel this way,
I will never get my way.
I will never think that that means more than I can imagine.
Now that I get it, maybe it’s time I forget it.
I’m scared of what is to come,
I’m scared of what is to come,
And what I can become in your eyes.
I will not recognise myself after this,
And maybe that’s for the best,
As this is something that I can’t get over.
I can’t over,
A ledge I can’t climb over,
A ledge I can’t climb over,
Ledge I can’t climb over.
Ever.
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14. |
While I’m Still Here
04:22
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While I’m still here,
Stuck in the cycle of fear.
Every time I think I’ve made some progress,
Maybe it is time that I reassess.
Ugh, uhm.
While I’m still here,
Try to face my demons.
While I’m still here, I’m tryna find a reason.
Left myself,
Tryna mend my,
Broken heart.
Even though I’m here we’re,
World’s apart.
“Maybe play your part”,
I’m tryna make a brand new start.
I know,
I know,
I know,
I know.
I know,
I know,
I know,
I know.
She was sick of her clock stopping.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
She was stuck inside a cycle of nothing.
I know, I know. I know. I know.
She was rundown, battery, crushed and,
I know, I know. I know. I know.
The case is closed better open your mind though,
And we are all stuck in a deadly cycle.
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t,
Don’t.
Ahhhhhh.
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15. |
Belief in Humanity
03:33
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While I still believe.
Now I see the truth.
More than I could see,
That we are all dogs in a car.
In between breaths,
Are we dead?
In between open eyes,
Are we asleep?
Are you dreaming?
I wish I could.
I wish I could.
I used to believe.
I used to perceive.
Now all I can see,
It's hard to live a good life,
when everything you feel like you are doing is waiting.
1,2,3. 1,2,3.
I used to believe. I used to perceive.
Ahhh.
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16. |
Homophily
03:33
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|
Ah.
Ah.
Why can't I realise?
Why can't I know?
No one accepts this.
No one knows the truth.
My words are suppressed. No one.
No.
Everything I should've known.
Every way I should have grown.
Everything I could have been.
Everything I should have been.
I die broken, but you get to sleep tonight.
Why know about my destroyed life that might be nigh?
Be clear with the broken life you gave to a child.
I'm here to watch myself destroyed and on fire.
Do I know the difference between love and admire?
How do I figure out what the hell I require?
Mark it down on the record which is a prerequisite.
Create a legal way that you can justify your prejudice.
Every day's a nightmare because of what you did to me.
Every day is a nightmare. Just encourage this homophily.
I'm too exhausted to hurt myself,
A dangerous precedent has been set,
We live in a world were trans teens are murdered,
16 years old, a life cut so short.
(I'm too exhausted to hurt myself,
A dangerous precedent has been set.)
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17. |
||||
|
(Empress Insecta)
Oooh,
I know what I need to be.
Do I have the strength To do what I should?
And what I should be.
I already know,
but I can't figure out how to put the pieces,
together.
Ah.
Why can't I?
(Sienna Hughes)
Ahh,
It’s difficult to find something metaphorical.
Something with a deeper meaning.
Something that won’t be a copy Of something you've seen before.
At what point is imitation not flattery, but stealing?
Where's the line that tells me if my thoughts are replication or if they're true
I don’t even know.
(Empress Insecta)
Maybe one day I'll get my innocence back.
Innocence back.
Maybe one day I'll figure out.
Why it was this I lacked?
Maybe. Maybe.
I'll figure it out. We’ll figure it out.
I don't know (Amelia?) what you will (Are you done?) think of me.
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18. |
Are You Awake?
03:25
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|
I kiss you and I can taste,
The girlhood I never had.
That I wish I could have experienced.
Ah.
I really don't know what else there is to find.
I'm stuck inside all those check-boxes I can't look behind,
And all I could ever think is that there's something I should have been.
And all I could ever believe is there is something that I need.
But maybe that's something was you.
And maybe that's something you knew.
Are you awake?
Will you look for me?
I know that I will go down easily.
Ah.
There is nothing left,There is nothing left,There is nothing left,There is nothing left,There is nothing left, There is nothing left, There is nothing left.
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19. |
Safe
05:18
|
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I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong,
Like being trans is a modern phenomenon.
But throughout history, across cultures and time,
I just want to live a normal life.
As just myself.
I want to be the real me,
Not what the world wants me to be.
I'm finally here.
But it's still clear.
You don't want me to be myself.
You want me to be someone else.
From the Two-Spirit of Native American tribes,
To Hijras in India, who were revered and admired.
Trans folks have always found ways to survive,
Despite societies that refuse to recognize.
“Woe to me, my mother, that you ever bore a son.
What a great loss and no gain!
Cursed be the one who announced to my father:
“It’s a boy!””
“Oh, but had the artisan who made me, created me instead, a worthy woman.
Today I would be wise and insightful.
We would weave, my friends and I
and in the moonlight spin our yarn
and tell our stories to one another,
from dusk till midnight,
we’d tell of the events of our day, silly things,
matters of no consequence.
But also I would grow very wise from the spinning
and I would say, “How lucky am I” to know how to make linen,
how to comb [wool], and weave lace;
[to design] cup-like buds, open flowers, cherubim, palm trees,
and all sorts of other fine things,
colourful embroideries and furrow-like stitches.”
The people of Sumer parade before you.
The male prostitutes comb their hair before you.
They decorate the napes of their necks with coloured scarfs.
The women adorn their right side with men’s clothing.
The men adorn their left side with women’s clothing.
The ascending kurgarra priests raise their swords before you.
To destroy, to create, to tear out, to establish are yours, Inanna.
To turn a man into a woman and a woman into a man are yours, Inanna.
We have been here forever,
A natural product of evolution.
You don’t understand what you don't know,
And getting scared just leads to your arrogant assumptions.
I am scared for the future.
We have seen so many places revert to their bigoted and xenophobic ways where we have to justify our existence
and be forced to live a lie or be killed in the streets.
The dangerous precedents that have been set.
No wonder i am scared and upset.
It’s a dark future.
Even if I'm safe right now, it doesn't mean I always will be.
|
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20. |
Time.
04:22
|
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|
(Empress Insecta)
Why is it always us that gets hurt?
No no no no no no no no.
Help
(Public Domain Sample Of Micheal Knowles)
“There can be no middle way in dealing with dealing with “Transgenderism,”
It is all or nothing.
If “Transgenderism” is true, if men really can become women, then it is true for everybody of all ages.
If “Transgenderism” is false, which it is, if men really can become women, as they cannot, then it is false for everybody too. And if it's false, then we should not indulge it.”
(Empress Insecta)
What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.
(Public Domain Sample Of Micheal Knowles)
“Especially since that indulgence, requires taking away the rights and customs, of so many people. If it is false, then for the good of society, and especially, for the good of the poor people, who have fallen prey to this “confusion,”
“Transgenderism” must be eradicated from public life entirely.
The whole preposterous “Ideology.””
|
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Empress Insecta VIC, Australia
I'm Amelia Trundle and I make Experimental music.
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